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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600902">and i don't wanna lie (but i don't wanna tell you the truth)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabeswaterblakes/pseuds/cabeswaterblakes'>cabeswaterblakes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Order Member Draco Malfoy, Second War with Voldemort, Secret Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:00:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600902</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabeswaterblakes/pseuds/cabeswaterblakes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’s taking them so long, tonight of all nights?” She wondered out loud, expecting no response from the empty house. </p><p>“Well, Granger, the thing with Death Eaters is that usually we don’t celebrate Christmas.”</p><p>Startled by the deep voice coming from behind her, Hermione turned quickly, her wand held high in her hand, instinctive after so many years. She relaxed at the sight of Draco Malfoy and lowered her wand.</p><p> </p><p>or, while waiting for her friends to come back from a mission, Hermione finds herself alone with Draco Malfoy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>281</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and i don't wanna lie (but i don't wanna tell you the truth)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/islabbe/gifts">islabbe</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy birthday Isla, I love you and I hope you enjoy this early holiday fic! Low-key in honor of your sister saying "didn't wanna get my hopes up for just kissing" at the sight of an M rated fic. </p><p>Special thank you to my stellar beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/softblakegriffin/pseuds/softblakegriffin">Sara</a>, for helping me clean up this story. Any remaining mistakes are my own. </p><p>Title's from Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You by Arctic Monkeys.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Hermione hated waiting. When the war first started, she thought having a safehouse to herself was a blessing. Now, three years of fights and losses later, Hermione knew it was the opposite. She was only alone when the others were off on some mission and they needed someone to stay back and hold the fort. She rarely was the one that stayed behind, but today she was forced to. </p><p>A week ago, she broke her leg in several places after a particularly nasty blow, and while it was mostly healed now, her mobility wasn’t all the way back to normal. She knew that in her state she’d be more of a liability than an asset during a battle, but it still hurt when Ron and Parvati had glared at her and forced her to stay behind. Hermione missed having Harry in the same safehouse, but her best friend was off on a different mission, taking Neville with him, and she knew they would’ve made her stay, too. </p><p>Shortly after Oliver, Ron, Angelina, Luna and Parvati had left, Hermione had decided to keep her mind off her friends going on dangerous missions without her by preparing things in case they were needed upon her friends’ return. The few potions they had available at the safehouse were now ready in case of emergency, as well as a kit containing gauzes and balms, should it be needed. She really hoped not.</p><p>Hermione had circled the patch of green just outside the house multiple times, double checked the wards, then cleaned up the area that served as the living room as well as a medbay. </p><p>That was hours ago though, and her thoughts were now back to drifting towards catastrophic scenarios. In order to prevent that, Hermione decided to go to the kitchen and look for a distraction. With nothing else to do, she figured she might as well get something for everyone to nibble on once they returned. She was a terrible cook, but she hoped that trying to follow instructions would work to get something edible done, as well as keep her busy.</p><p>Since they were running short on groceries, she settled for baking simple cookies. She worked with flour, sugar, eggs and chocolate for an hour or so, trying to do the best she could. When she deemed them ready, Hermione put the baking tray full of small cookies in the oven, then proceeded to clean the kitchen. After that, there was nothing else to do but wait. </p><p>She walked to the sink and stared outside the window overlooking the border of the forest, the deep foliage behind the safehouse catching her attention. In its beauty, it revealed nothing but darkness. Hermione stood there for several minutes, focused on the exact spot her friends would appear at once they came back, waiting for any sign of movement. She couldn’t help but feel uneasy, as she always did with every mission. </p><p>“What’s taking them so long, tonight of all nights?” She wondered out loud, expecting no response from the empty house. </p><p>“Well, Granger, the thing with Death Eaters is that usually we don’t celebrate Christmas.”</p><p>Startled by the deep voice coming from behind her, Hermione turned quickly, her wand held high in her hand, instinctive after so many years. She relaxed at the sight of Draco Malfoy and lowered her wand. Focused as she was on the landscape in front of her, she hadn’t heard him come through the Floo. </p><p>Hermione took him in as he walked towards her, watching the way the young man gracefully took off his cloak and made his way to the small kitchen, leaving soot all over the floor. He put his Death Eater mask on the kitchen counter and started rolling up his sleeves. </p><p>He was clad in black. Black trousers, black shirt. Black aura, Hermione thought bitterly. It made for a starking contrast against the paleness of his skin and hair. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” </p><p>“What a warm welcome,” Draco replied snarkily, as he looked for something to eat. “It’s Christmas, where’s your holiday spirit, Granger? Weren’t you going on and on about that a mere few weeks ago?”</p><p>She was, when he had walked into the house to find its occupants deep into holiday talk, while he had waited for Moody to show up. Hermione was surprised he even remembered that, since he had tried his hardest to show them how <em> uninterested </em>he was. She recalled the way she had vehemently defended Christmas that day, and shared all the things she loved about it, as her friends tried to argue in favor of other holidays. </p><p>Still, Hermione didn’t understand why he was here tonight of all days, so she pressed him on it. </p><p>“Why aren’t you out there with the others?” </p><p>“I was abroad running errands.” Malfoy grabbed an apple he found abandoned in a cupboard, and took a bite before continuing. “I didn’t know about tonight. Besides, I don’t feel like joining.”</p><p>“Lucky you, getting choices.” </p><p>He smirked at her sulky tone, no doubt detecting the blatant bitterness in her voice. </p><p>“Ah, I see someone’s upset she was left behind.” Before she could reply, he carried on. “What was it this time? Broken arm?”</p><p>For a moment Hermione considered not telling him, just to be difficult, just to get a reaction out of him and end her boredom. But it was Christmas, after all, and she didn’t feel like fighting.</p><p>“Broken leg,” she murmured instead.  </p><p>“You know it’s protocol,” Malfoy reminded her as he finished eating his apple.</p><p>She sighed. “I do. You haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here?”</p><p>She watched him walk towards the trashcan and throw away the remains of his dinner, before moving towards the sink and washing his hands. Knowing him, Hermione was sure Draco was leaving her waiting for an answer on purpose. He took pleasure in her not knowing things, even if it was for just a couple of minutes and for something as trivial as his presence at the safehouse.  </p><p>“I came to deliver something,” he nodded to the small brown package sitting on the counter. Before she could question him further, he scrunched his nose and asked: “What’s this smell?”</p><p>“Fuck, my cookies!” Hermione ran to the oven, took the baking sheet out and set it on the table, perfect rows of burnt cookies looking tauntingly at her. They were ruined, and now she’d have to start over. Great, just what she needed when she was already on edge. </p><p>“Granger, no matter how low on food we’re running, no one will eat <em> these </em>,” the blond said with disdain as he picked up one of the blackened cookies. He looked at it like it had personally offended him. </p><p>“Shut up. If you’re gonna be here, at least make yourself useful.”</p><p>Hermione spun on her feet, but the movement seemed to be too much for her leg, making her wince. She tried to hide her reaction but Draco had always been great at reading people, much to her dismay. One of his many assets for the Order though, and now an inconvenience for her. </p><p>“What is it?” Suddenly he was beside her, brows furrowed in concern. </p><p>“Nothing, hand me that bowl over there,” Hermione dismissed him, pointing at a bowl in one of the upper cupboards.</p><p>Draco ignored her. “Is it your leg?”</p><p>She sighed in frustration, knowing she had to admit it or else he would never drop it. He was stubborn like that. </p><p>“It’s bothering me a little, that’s it. But I’m fine.”</p><p>Draco’s frown deepened, and Hermione saw something flash in his eyes. Before she had the time to understand what it was though, he was suddenly in her space, his arms caging her between his chest and the countertop. From their closeness, Hermione could feel the warmth emanating from his body and see the stormy grey of his eyes. They were full of heat, gazing down at her, searching for something.  </p><p>Hermione’s breath itched when Draco dropped his head and whispered in her ear, “Want me to kiss it better?”</p><p>Here was the thing about Draco Malfoy. In public he was all fake bravado, witty remarks, and sharp tongue. He put on a show and tried his hardest to fool them all, but Hermione knew better. </p><p>She had seen him struggle when he thought no one else could; she knew he was just as scared as the rest of them, if not more, given he was playing for both sides. Draco liked to say he had nothing left to lose, but Hermione could see right through him. There was a depth to Draco Malfoy that sometimes shocked her. </p><p>She saw it whenever her friends came home unscathed, all alive, and Draco’s tense shoulders relaxed imperceptibly. She saw it whenever they were told that the Order had been successful in saving a group of Muggles from a Death Eater’s attack, and Draco sighed in relief. Sometimes Hermione wondered if she imagined all that, but then Draco would look at her and she felt like his eyes couldn’t lie.    </p><p>If the war wasn’t a thing, Hermione didn’t think she and Draco would be standing where they were now: two young people that ended up in bed together most of the times they saw each other. She no longer remembered who had made the first move; all she knew was that one day, after weeks of tension and snapping at each other, they collided in more ways than one. And there didn't seem to be a way back. </p><p>It had been five months since the first time it happened. It was hot and frenzied, the tension too high after one too many fights and disagreements. There was no space for lingering or for questions afterwards, and so had been every other time that followed. To this day, Hermione still didn’t know for certain where exactly she and Draco stood. </p><p>They weren’t quite <em> something </em> , but they weren’t <em> nothing </em>either. She never held him to any promise or commitment, and he made sure to only take as much as he gave. The problem was, what Draco gave took Hermione by surprise: the intense way he looked at her when she lay under him, hair draped messily on the pillow around her; the way he touched her, almost reverentially. </p><p>Sometimes, when Hermione looked into his eyes, she pretended he was hers. It was a dangerous game to play, when this thing between them had no ties and no name. Secretly, in the darkest hours of the night, she wondered if he, too, dreamed of her in his sleep, like she sometimes did. Hermione wondered if Draco would laugh if he knew all this. The chance that he wouldn’t was just as daunting. </p><p>Hermione snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a warm mouth on her neck, leaving a trail of small kisses on her skin. She could feel his lips curving in a smile. Draco placed his hands on her hips as he nosed the collar of her sweater, making Hermione’s knickers wetter just by thinking of where this could be headed.</p><p>The last time they saw each other it was almost two weeks ago, before Draco left for his mission. He had bent her over the dresser in her bedroom and fucked her from behind hard and fast, murmuring a “see you later” when he was done and Hermione was still struggling to catch her breath. They had casted a few spells to make sure the few people left in the house couldn’t hear them-- Draco had discovered Hermione wasn’t exactly quiet, and he never missed a chance to tease her about it. Still, neither of them wanted to get caught. </p><p>No one was in the safehouse now though. And who knew how long it would be before everyone returned... Making up her mind, Hermione decided to throw caution to the wind and give in to her desires. She chased Draco’s mouth, taking his jaw in her hands and sealing the deal with a kiss that was as deep as it was desperate. They parted for air, and her last thought before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards her bedroom upstairs while he chuckled at her impatience, was that he tasted like apples.</p><p>Inside her room, she fell backwards on the bed and a moment later Draco was on top of her, cradled in the space between her open legs. Hermione could feel him hard against her covered sex, which made heat and anticipation coil in her stomach. After leaving a long kiss on her mouth, he pulled back to take her sweater and top off, which left Hermione to stare hungrily at him wearing only her bra and jeans as he murmured a contraceptive spell. </p><p>Smirking down at her, Draco undid the buttons of his shirt at an impossibly slow pace, never once breaking eye contact with her. Hermione had to hold back the impulse to clench her legs together at the sight. </p><p>He made quick work of her jeans, making her gasp when she felt his knuckles against her bare skin, so close to where she actually wanted him, as he undid the button and dragged her pants off her legs.  </p><p>Draco slowly crawled up her body then, making good on his promise to kiss her better as he ran his mouth up her injured leg, then pressed harder against her hips, her soft belly, her breastbone, making his way up to her face. All Hermione could do was watch transfixed. The combination of his messy hair, his warm breath against her body, and his dark eyes that were looking at her so intensely made her hotter by the second. </p><p>Once he was settled on top of her, she ran her hands up his chest, then his shoulders, until she reached his neck and circled her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. Draco was careful not to lean too much on her, to not push her body when it hadn’t fully healed yet, so he put most of his weight on his forearms. Hermione felt a wave of affection washing through her at his gesture. </p><p>She was in <em> so </em>much trouble. </p><p>“Is your leg okay?” He asked against her mouth, after she wrapped her uninjured leg over his hip, pushing him closer to where she wanted him. The sudden contact made him thrust against Hermione, eliciting a gasp from her at the feel of his hard length. </p><p>“Yeah,” she breathed, the distance between them minimal, the heat claiming her body so intense it was becoming unbearable.</p><p>Draco kissed her again, making them both moan into the kiss. He bit her lower lip and his hands wandered down, from her ribs, to her stomach, to the apex of her thighs. There, he started to rub over her knickers in circles, oh so slowly. </p><p>Hermione arched her body towards him, and decided she had no time for foreplay tonight. After being away from him for so long, she just wanted Draco inside her, and she wanted him <em> now </em>. </p><p>Her hand flew from the back of his neck to the waistband of his trousers, quickly undoing the zipper, but he grabbed her wrist before she could kick them off him. </p><p>“Patience, Granger,” Draco said in a low murmur, as his calloused fingers travelled up her stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake. </p><p>The bastard was now pressing open mouthed kisses to the base of her neck, his touch so light that it wouldn’t leave marks. Hermione almost growled in frustration. She loved when he left marks on her, almost craved it, especially because they made it a game to keep them hidden. Hermione found that she loved playing these dangerous games with Draco a little too much.</p><p>“I don’t want to be patient, I want--” She groaned mid sentence when she felt his mouth make its way to her chest, pull down her bra, and run his nose back and forth over the top of her breasts. </p><p>“What do you need? Use your words, Granger.” Hermione could feel Draco’s rough voice and his lips curling in a smirk against her skin. He was taking way too much pleasure in making her wait and beg for it, when she knew he wanted it as much as she did. When he took her nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, Hermione couldn’t wait anymore.  </p><p>“I need you inside me.”</p><p>His eyes snapped open to meet hers, and Draco wasted no time in taking off her knickers and kissing her soundly on the mouth, tongues dancing around each other, drawing desperate whimpers and mewls from Hermione.  </p><p>“Merlin, you’re dripping wet already,” he groaned against her lips as he ran a finger across her slit, gathering the wetness pooling at her entrance and teasing her clit with his thumb. </p><p>“I <em> know </em> . Stop wasting time,” Hermione growled, and Draco laughed. He had the nerve to <em> laugh </em>, the asshole. She was just about to tell him off when he quickly took off his boxers, aligned himself with her and pushed inside, quieting any complaint she might have had. </p><p>“God,” she moaned and opened her legs wider, feeling him sink deeper. Her eyes rolled back in her head from the intensity of the pleasure she was feeling. Hermione could feel his hot breath against the side of her neck, making her skin erupt in goosebumps. Her hands went to grasp at his shoulders, both of them stilling for a few seconds once he was buried to the hilt, savoring the moment, before the heat begged for more friction.</p><p>“Malfoy, <em> move </em>.”</p><p>He didn’t make her ask twice this time, as he started pounding into her faster and faster. Hermione felt the pleasant buzz inside her growing and growing as her hips met his with each thrust. </p><p>She ran one hand down his back while she clinged to his forearm with the other, feeling the hard muscles tensing and clenching under her fingertips. Then she hoisted her good leg and wrapped it around his hip, changing the angle of his thrusts and making both of them moan loudly. </p><p>“Fuck, Granger, you’re so tight,” Draco grunted, his movements growing erratic until he finally slipped his hand between them to rub circles on her clit the way he knew she liked. </p><p>Hermione was so close, her entire body quivering in anticipation. With just a few more brushes against her clit, she came with a loud cry. Her walls clenched down around him and her body shook in what felt like endless waves. </p><p>Draco continued to fuck her through her orgasm, prolonging her pleasure. He had one hand gently cradling her neck while the other moved from her center to hold up her leg, the force of his grip strong enough that Hermione was sure she'd find bruises on her thigh the next morning. </p><p>“Come on, Draco,” Hermione urged him, clenching around him and making him groan. “Look at me.”</p><p>He did. As soon as his wide eyes met her soft ones, all it took was a couple more thrusts to make him still and then shudder in pleasure. Hermione felt him pulse inside her, his eyes fluttered shut, and he lowered his face against her shoulder. </p><p>Both of them were still shaking slightly when Draco collapsed on top of her, always mindful of her injured leg. Hermione started stroking the back of his head and neck absentmindedly, occasionally twirling his locks around her fingers, while he lazily dropped kisses on her collarbone.</p><p>After a while, Draco started nuzzling his nose against the strap of the bra she still had on since he hadn’t bothered to take it all off. Hermione was about to remind him they didn’t have all night and probably should start heading downstairs soon, when she felt the shift on the wards alerting her of her friends’ return. </p><p>She looked down into the melted silver of his eyes. “Fuck, they’re back.”</p><p>They got up from the bed and quickly fixed their clothes with a few waves of their wands. They made their way downstairs just in time to catch Hermione’s friends opening the front door.</p><p>With the urgency that surrounded their arrival, no one seemed to notice the state Hermione and Draco were in. Had anyone looked closer, they would’ve seen the blush on Hermione’s cheeks, her long curls messier than usual, Draco’s normally pristine hair now unkempt; the way both of them seemed breathless, and one of them seemed more annoyed than the other. If someone did notice, they chose to ignore it. </p><p>Parvati walked in holding Luna’s hand, who seemed to be sporting a deep gash on her left arm. Oliver entered behind them, blood all over his face and clothes, supported by Ron and Angelina, who were quick to tell Hermione he was hit on the head. </p><p>She jumped into action quickly, running to the kitchen to wash her hands with Draco silently trailing behind her, then making a beeline for her injured friends. She reached Oliver first, as he needed immediate attention; she waved her wand over him several times before confirming it wasn’t anything too bad, which made the group of people gathered around them sigh in relief. </p><p>“Merry Christmas, huh, Mione?” came jokingly from Ron. </p><p>“Bloody Christmas,” Oliver snorted, pointing to his own head. “Ha, get it?” </p><p>It would’ve been funny, had they not come back from a potentially deadly mission. They all seemed to be too tense to enjoy the joke and laugh about a head injury. But Hermione knew head wounds tended to bleed heavily even when the injury wasn’t too bad, and was relieved to find out he wouldn’t require a Healer, which made everyone relax a bit.</p><p>After treating Oliver, she moved to work on Luna but realized Angelina had already healed her. Ron and Parvati went upstairs and got the bedrooms ready for everyone. </p><p>Once the emergency was over, Hermione gathered all the supplies she used to treat her friend’s injury and made her way to the kitchen to put them away and wash the blood off her hands in the sink. Draco was still there, leaning on the small table, seemingly expecting something.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Hermione said apologetic, after turning towards him. She knew he hadn’t liked the way she cut things off in her bedroom.</p><p>It seemed his annoyance had passed though, if the way he was looking at her was any indication.</p><p>“It’s okay, Granger,” Draco said with a teasing gaze and a mischievous grin that warned her of things to come. “You’ll make it up to me some other time.”</p><p>She returned his smile conspiratively, before remembering what she had been meaning to ask since his arrival. </p><p>“You never told me why you’re here. Who is that for?” She asked, pointing to the package he had left on the counter upon his arrival earlier today. </p><p>“Open it and find out,” Draco said with a mysterious sparkle in his eyes. </p><p>He got closer to her, until he towered over her small frame and all she could feel, see, and smell was him. His voice was barely a whisper and Hermione could only describe him as soft when he said, “Wasn’t it obvious? I came to see <em>you</em>. Merry Christmas, Granger.”</p><p>Draco kissed her forehead, his mouth lingering on her skin for a moment, before he left in a hurry, disappearing as quietly as he had come. So quickly that Hermione had no other choice but to watch him go. </p><p>Stunned, she slowly raised her hand to where his lips had touched her forehead, the tenderness of his touch overwhelming her. </p><p>Later that night, after making sure her friends were settled in, Hermione took the small package upstairs with her and sat on top of her bed cross-legged, thrilled to find out what was inside. She opened it and found an angel ornament, slightly reminiscent of an old family relic, passed down for generations in the Granger family.</p><p>Hermione remembered recounting stories and memories of her childhood, including random facts like which Christmas ornament was her favourite, one day when she and a few others were at the safehouse waiting for the other Order members to come back. Draco had been there too, sitting quietly at the dinner table, going through maps and lists and strategies, seemingly ignoring everyone else in the room as he waited for Moody’s arrival.</p><p>He wasn’t though. He was listening to <em> her </em>.</p><p><em> He had remembered </em>.</p><p>Hermione felt a surge of affection for the stubborn blond man crushing into her. When she noticed the small note accompanying the present, she unfolded it, and read.</p><p>
  <em> Although I’m sure it doesn’t compare to the original, I hope it’s close enough. Merry Christmas, Hermione.  </em>
</p><p>While this ornament was silver and shiny new whereas hers had been threaded in red and gold, Hermione still felt tears pricking at her eyes, touched beyond belief by the thoughtfulness of Draco’s gift. </p><p>He gave her a piece of what she missed the most and could never get back: home. </p><p>Hermione set the ornament and the note on her bedside table, then snuggled under her covers with a huge grin on her face. </p><p>Maybe she wasn’t the only one in trouble. Maybe there was no trouble to worry about, at all. She’d talk to him the next time he came around, and would figure this out-- would figure <em> them </em>out. </p><p>Hermione’s last thought before falling into a content slumber was that even though the circumstances they found themselves in were less than ideal, Draco certainly made this Christmas one to remember. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked it, comments/kudos are very much appreciated!</p><p>Feel free to join me on <a href="http://twitter.com/petalsfordraco">twitter</a>, <a href="http://petalsfordraco.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> or the DoF discord under the same pen name!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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